Long Time...

This is bizarre.  I stumbled upon this old blog while posting something on some website forum.  It signed me in under my old Blogger login...and low and behold, here I am!

I got quite a chuckle out of that first...and only entry.  I remember vividly how miserable I was working at that SaaS start up...which I was fired from almost a year later.  My 'brainless' CEO caught me on a phone interview.  Who is the brainless one in this scenario?

Before I continue on with what my life is like these days, I do feel the need to share the above story in further detail, because it holds all the of the elements of a great story.  First, it's true.  It actually happened and requires no embellishment.  Second, it's ironic!  I called my CEO brainless (which I still stand by and will elaborate on) and yet I pulled the brainless move of the millennium by having a conversation with a recruiter while sitting in the lobby of the building my office was in.  Third, it is the first crossing of swords in what turned into a interesting legal battle.

 As I mentioned in my first (and only) post, I detested the job I was at (eventually we'll get to where I am now...and it's a fun fucking ride) and spent a lot of my time there trying to find other work.  We were a start up company that sold billing solutions.  I hated my current sales manager, Bill.  He had no idea what he was doing, he was cutting my bonus, and basically being a miserable dick.  Sales had plummeted since Bill joined on.  Meanwhile, my CEO, Dan was failing triumphantly.  The VC companies who had invested in us were up in arms over his shoddy leadership.  His job was on the line.

The writing was on the wall for me.  In November of 2008, I was told by Bill that my CEO Dan had been removed by the board...and that when it was announced the first thing he was going to do was eliminate my role on the East Coast.

I began looking for a job in earnest...along with almost every other sales person in the company.  My colleague Charlie had put me in touch with a recruiter.  There was an opening in a local company and Charlie thought it might be a good gig for me.  I set up a call for 1:00 pm est the following day.

I knew that I would be at work when this call was to take place.  I simply decided that rather than sit at my desk, I would take a break and have my call in the lobby.  The lobby.  The lobby where all male employees at my company had to cross whenever they wanted to access the men's room. 

I can still vividly recall every detail of that December afternoon; I was sitting on the floor of the brick lobby, with my back against the elevator wall, my jean-clad legs extended in front of me, crossed at the ankle.  As I sat with my small nokia cell phone crooked against my shoulder, I studied my black puma's as I listened to the recruiter ask me why I wanted to leave my current position.  I had prepared for this question.

"Well Jim, I feel like I've reached a point in my career at Company X where I can go no further.  I don't see our organization growing much more and there really aren't very many chances for opportunity..."

It was at this point that I noticed a flicker out of the corner of my eye; someone walking through the lobby.

I should mention the acoustics were superb in that lobby.  My voice (loud by nature) carried perfectly in the brick and glass atrium.

As I continued my pitch, I turned my head and saw the back of what looked suspiciously like my CEO disappear behind the swing doors that lead to the hallway where the men's room was contained.

"...and I feel like now is the time for me to seek out a role that will allow me to move into a management role."

The recruiter on the phone was still talking, but my heart had suddenly dropped.  If that was my CEO who had just walked by, then he most definitely had heard what I said.  I felt my face flush, and a film of perspiration broke out over my scalp.  I stared at my puma's and tried to refocus my attention on the recruiters voice.

As I sat there with a ball of nausea welling up in my stomach, I heard a voice from above me...confirming my worst fears.

"So, if you hate it here so much why don't you just quit?"

I started at the sound of his voice.  I looked up to see him staring down at me, his face a mask of barely contained fury.

"If you hate it here so much why don't you just leave?"  He asked again.  This time louder.

"Excuse me," I calmly said into the phone, "I hate to do this to you Jim, but I'm going to have to call you back."  

"No!"  Dan began walking away, "Finish your call.  Don't let me interrupt."

I remember hanging up on Jim quite abruptly...ending a conversation that never continued, and jumping to my feet.

"Hey!"  I called out, "You can't just walk up to me, interrupt my call like that, then walk away."

"No, continue your phone interview..on company time!" He yelled.

"Are you kidding me?"  I yelped, "You're going to ping me with the 'company time' line when I am the first one in this office every day, and the last one to leave?"

"I have done nothing but try to make you happy," Dan stated.  "You told me that you didn't want to be in marketing and I put you in sales.  You told me that you didn't want to be an business development rep and I let you become an Inside Sales Rep.  You told me that after I made that change, you didn't want that after all...that you wanted to be a Business Development person again, I made it happen!"

Looking back, and even then, I knew he was right.  Dan was a shitty boss, and an egomaniac of a human being, but he had given me pretty much whatever I wanted in terms of job shifting. The fact was, I knew he was in dutch with the board and I already knew that my days were numbered made me honest.

"Dan...I've been told that my job is being eliminated.  I've been told by multiple people that the East coast sales team is being eliminated.  I have a mother that I have to support.  What do you want me to do?  I can't not have a job and you can't guarantee me that I'm not going to lose this one.  I'm truly sorry that you overheard me.  I'm ashamed...I'm embarrassed."

"Whatever."

I remember walking back into the office, trembling from the adrenaline that was coursing through my body.  The confrontation had been so unexpected...so completely unprepared for.  The stupidity of my actions coupled with the complete half-assed timing of Dan's appearance left me reeling.  I was filled with dread.

I didn't sit on this confrontation.  I immediately informed my best friend in the office about what had happened via instant messenger.  She didn't believe me.  I had to repeat the story multiple times, swearing to god that I was telling the truth.  As I was sitting there at my desk, I saw another IM window blinking in the corner of my task bar.  It was Dan's assistant...someone I was quite chummy with.  I clicked on the IM window.

"Who the fuck has a phone interview in the god damn lobby!?  Are you fucking kidding me??"

And that's when I knew Dan wasn't going to keep quiet either.

I called Charlie to tell him what had happened with his recruiter buddy and he advised me to NOT leave the office, and unless otherwise told, I was to continue coming in until I was told not too.

"If you leave now, or if you don't go in tomorrow, they can say you quit."

It was one of the worst nights ever.

I went and picked up some weed from my office friends boyfriend, and before I even opened my mouth he said, "Holy Shit did you ever fuck up!  Laura told me what happened!  I can't believe you took a phone interview in the lobby!"

I went home and made the fatal mistake of getting high.  The weed only made me more paranoid and freaked out.

I managed to get about two hours of broken sleep that night.  The following morning I was sick to my stomach as I got ready for work.  I tortured myself with potential scenarios of what would happen when I walked into the office; everything from security guards waiting for me, to my CEO waiting for me with his hand outstretched in friendship and forgiveness.

Turns out neither occurred.  I went to my desk as always and began working.  People eventually began filing in for the day.  I fielded some whispered questions from colleagues throughout the day.  Finally, around 1:00pm, I reached out to Dan's assistant, Jennifer.  Jennifer who IM'ed me constantly throughout the day had been silent all morning; not a great sign.

"Yo," I typed, "How is Dan's mood today?"  

I knew that I was going to have to confront Dan at some point, and I also knew that Jennifer would know what he was planning to do to me.  I knew that she would be able to tell me what was going to happen.  I waited with growing nervousness as Jennifer took her time responding.

"If you can't figure that out on your own, then I don't know what to tell you."  

Just the tone let me know everything I needed to know.  Jennifer, who was usually sweet and respectful of my position had just 'taken a tone' with me.  Jennifer the IM fiend was ignoring me all morning.

At that point, I began deleting files off my computer; personal shit.  My resume, photo's, my unfinished manuscript.  I backed everything up on a flash drive, then deleted everything.  I gathered my few personal belonging and shoved them into my duffel bag...leaving the 'cat lady' figurines Dan had given me as a gag gift sitting on the desk.

I walked back to Dan's office and Jennifer's face turned white when she saw me approaching. 

"I'm going in."  I informed her.

She just nodded.

Dan seemed unsurprised to see me.  I sat down across from him and my wheels started turning.  I knew he was going to fire me, but I needed the job...at least until I found something else.  My mom's bills were due, and she had multiple doctor's appointments coming up that I would have to pay for.  I remember sitting there wishing I could turn back the clock 24 hours; how I would never have taken that call.  All the things I would have done different.

"Dan," I said, "I wanted to apologize to you about yesterday.  I feel horrible and embarrassed.  All I can say is, I allowed my fear of losing this job to act unprofessionally.  I was told by my direct supervisor that I was being dismissed and was told you could do nothing to help me.  I realize now I should have just come to you."    I was hoping that my sincere tone would sway him.  

"Kelli," Dan said, "I've tried to make you happy here at Company X.  Whenever you've ever asked me for something I've made sure it happened.  Now I realize that there really isn't anything I can say or do that will make you happy here."

"You're firing me?"  I asked.

Dan nodded.  "I'm letting you go."

Even though I knew it was going to be the outcome, I had to try one more time to try to save myself.  "I've worked my ass off for you and this company," I told him, "I don't want to leave.  Can't we just put this behind us?"

Dan's mind was made up.  "You'll be like a cancer here.  You'll never be happy."

At this point I stood up.  "Severence?"

"You can have your insurance until the end of January, and we're giving you six weeks salary, plus we won't fight your unemployment."  

A great deal considering.  "Thank you for the opportunity."  I said.  

I remember that the first person who I saw was Jennifer...sitting there outside Dan's office at her desk.  Our eyes locked and I simply walked by her like she wasn't there.  As I headed towards the exit I popped over to the IT guys desk and put my laptop on his desk...and walked out, never to darken the door again.

That was four years ago.

You won't believe the shit that has happened since...

TBC

Welcome to the Shit Hole

Hi.

This is my very first "Shit Hole Happenings" blog.

First, let me explain the name of my blog...and it's purpose.

The term 'Shit Hole' refers to my place of employment. I hate my job, and I hate the majority of the people that I work with...as such, it is a Shit Hole.

This blog is going to be a place for me to vent my horror and disgust over the crap that goes on in my 'company'. I can't give you too much personal information, because I can't risk losing my job. At the same time I feel this over-powering urge to share the unbelievable madness that goes on in this company!

Here is what I can tell you:

a) I work for a SaaS company.
b) My company recently received millions of dollars in funding from a VC.
c) My CEO is a brainless twit.
d) We're a West Coast company. In business for about...2 years.

I will post regularly about the miserable happenings here at the Shit Hole.

I will start tomorrow by giving you a bit of back ground on each 'character' (person I work with), they're place in my 'company' and how they contribute to the impending down fall of this Shit Hole.

Until then~